Authors are a funny lot, I must say. One of the things in particular that bothers me is the number of people who begin a story with a particular kind of disclaimer, that being (paraphrased): No offense, and I have nothing against gays, but I think there's something wrong with those people, so this story won't be slash.

Well....

I kind of got the idea that the story wouldn't be slash when I noticed the Harry P. & [SomeFemaleHere] up in the header. Personally, I find it offensive that so many people find it necessary to state this opinion at the beginning of a story, as though they need to distance themselves from such unnatural behavior, or they need to assure their readers that they themselves aren't condoning this perversion of nature or whatever. (I won't get into the argument on how nature itself is into gay sex when it comes to the larger animal kingdom.)

Quite frankly, it would have been as easy to say: This will be a heterosexual pairing.

But no, they had to insult eleventy-billion people, including the ones who do have enough intelligence to think that perhaps the listed pairing might actually be something other than a platonic relationship.

Mind, this (to me) falls into a slightly different category from the person who states: For god's sake, no, this won't be Harry/Ginny or Harry/Cho! I can't stand those two girls!

That sort of statement says very clearly that they do not like the specific characters, rather than making a blanket statement that all women are useless and deserve to be shot. Personally, I view the idea of a Harry/Ginny or Harry/Cho pairing as being akin to a soul-sucking experience in general, largely based on the canon characterizations and a healthy dose of fanon exploration (usually resulting in either heaps of angst or a tide of sickeningly sweet fluff usually found in something like a Harlequin romance...or HBP).

The disclaimer is the sort of thing that usually has me closing a tab without even bothering to see if the author in question has any skill in crafting a story. Perhaps a slightly counterproductive view on things, but I had enough of being forced to read stories I had no interest in during school, so I can't see why I should bother with people who begin things with such a broad and unfocused insult. In essence, it's turning the insult around.

I have a much better disclaimer for this sort of author. It goes something like: This story will not contain slash, bestiality, blood play, breath play, BDSM, D/s, golden showers, pony play, or anything else I consider to be a perversion of nature. Instead, it will be a heterosexual pairing, which is what God intended, and the rest of you can burn in hell. Bwuahahahahaha!

I've come to the conclusion that I love snapshot files. Why? Because today has been an exercise in patience when it comes to authors giving in to the questions of their readers, and then wasting an entire chapter on flashbacks and other garbage that should be in a separate file.

I don't care about some stupid ritual. I already knew it was done, why, and what consequences it had. I did not need to have my time wasted by seeing it performed, and without actually learning anything new. Nor did I need my time wasted by having to read and/or skim over an overly long explanatory scene (which actually said very little) about why a particular date is so important. It could have been handled in one or two sentences within the normal context of the story, not in some god forsaken flashback that just piled on another heaping of angst.

Next, I continue to find it incomprehensible at times that people focus so hard on the United Kingdom as being the premiere power in the wizarding world, as though fixing that government fixes the world. I occasionally hoot with laughter while reading, with one author either making the blind assumption or assigning it to Harry that the United States has no magic users. Salem must be highly offended. Another basically stated that the US MoM was subservient to the UK, which made me snort in derision. I might only be half 'American' or less, but I do know my fucking history. (Yet, in a totally bizarre turnaround, I applaud every instance of an author making the French Ministry strong and fair while I continue to make 'frog' and 'surrender' jokes in real life.)

Last, but not least, something that isn't actually connected to Harry Potter directly. Who the fuck wasted their last brain cells over at the Pit of Despair and changed the favicon? The new one doesn't even appear to symbolize anything!

Stories by MadScribbler, chubby redburn, redfrog, and Bobmin356 have been added to the Gen/Other Recs List.

In response to a meme over at InsaneJournal, I've joined the confusion. See here if you want to play.

So I opened up a tab on Rosswrock's 'Power of Time' or whatever it's called. After bravely wading into chapter one (aka: The Summary of Everything That Happened Since Something Went 'Splodie and the Universe Banged Into Existence), I closed it before I hit halfway through the page. It just depressed me too much to see an opening salvo that's had more airtime than Paris Hilton.

I don't have as much patience these days, I suppose. Then again, maybe it's a reaction to yesterday's virtual sweep by a single author.

And in today's update it's a virtual sweep by DisobedienceWriter. Six stories have been added to the Gen/Other Recs List page. The author has ten stories at the Pit of Despair, three of which I have not included in the recs because I didn't like them as much as the six I have. The other is a WIP rec, below, as I don't keep a page for those.

I've come to realize why I tend to dislike seeing the POV for the villain in most stories. Aside from that fact that it's often nothing new (meaning eleventy-billion other people have written some form of the same scenes, well done or badly), it also usually creates a lot of what I call false drama and takes away the mystery.

I prefer seeing their villainy through the eyes of others, actually. What Harry interprets from what he sees (directly or indirectly), or how Hermione reacts when she starts piecing together the clues. You know? Then there's usually a question of what's going on. Is it straightforward? Is there something sinister lurking beneath? Is the aim good but the execution evil?

On the other hand, in a good humor fic, it can be hilarious to see things from the villain's POV.

Chapter 15, Veritas, is now available.

Added 'Harry Potter and the Final Straw' by 'bellerophon30' to the Gen/Other Recs List. Not a wholehearted rec—see page for details. I was very verbose.

Azkaban fics can be a blast. I consider them a bit of a guilty pleasure. What isn't a pleasure anymore is that Harry invariably is framed by Voldemort having allegedly killed someone on the Light side.

Why isn't Harry allegedly killing that pug-faced cow Parkinson? Or Dumb & Dumber? (Can't be Draco, 'cause as we all know, Harry usually ends up shagging the pixies outta him). Zabini or his stand-ins Zambini or Blaze/Blaize/Blasé? Oo! Oo! Theodore Nott! He's a pimply-faced wanker, right?

Sure, I get it... Harry "kills" a friend, and that leads the Light side to castigate him for being such a hot-tempered, betraying traitor, burn his things, snap Hedwig's neck, and spit in his face. But geez, man. I can totally see Voldemort sacrificing some of his less gifted junior Death Eaters for this little ploy.

And Pansy Parkinson being the star witness? Riiiight.

Obviously, I'm talking the norm here, not the exception.

A oneshot by Laume and a story by Priya Ashok have been added to the Gen/Other Recs List.

Also, I might actually be close to completing a chapter for Breakpoint. It moves the story along quite a bit faster than I was anticipating, but that's okay, as I've still got tons of crap in the notes section that I want to deal with before the big bang at the end (if I can ever figure out how the big bang will happen, that is). I think I even have the perfect pull quote from that to slap into the box.... Hmm.

Let me paraphrase, shall I? I shall:

A/N: I have found a beta! I'll be reposting all chapters as soon as I get the chapter copies back.

You know who you are out there. You mouth the words, you speak the phrases, but we all know you don't mean any of it. We've come to realize that sadly, you people really are too stupid to live if you can't figure out how to use the replace or edit chapter features at the Pit of Despair.

Stop making promises you won't keep. For that matter, stop uploading chapters and never once bothering to preview them, either with the shockingly handy preview feature for an uploaded document or by actually looking at the chapter once it's been added to a story.

I may be forced to grandfather in certain stories from before my own decision to nab me a smokin' hot account over that way, because maybe those features did not exist then, but guess what!? Eleventy-billion of you have added stories to the collection well after I ever arrived on the scene, so I know the features were there for you to use.

And while I'm bitching, how about you, darling, who spends the first part of every chapter babbling about how your readers are slow, moronic, and can't possibly have even the IQ of a turnip, and then have the brass balls to nearly beg people to review at the end of a chapter. What the fuck is your problem?

Fics by nonjon and old-crow have been added to the Gen/Other Recs page.

Please be advised that chapter two, Friends, is now available.